I interviewed my oldest and dearest friend in an airport yesterday for fun, and I typed up part of the transcript from that. The giggling, some gate change announcements over the loudspeaker, a couple boring stories and a few awkward pauses have been edited out.
Kyra: In conducting this interview, I am going to pretend that you are a stranger because I feel like that would be a more interesting way for readers to get to know you. Could you state and spell your name for me, please?
Lacey: Lacey Billings. L-A-C-E-Y B-I-L-L-I-N-G-S.
K: Good work. You’ve passed the first test. So, how long have we known each other?
L: About 12 years.
K: That’s ridiculous. It’s been a long time. This whole stranger thing is going to be difficult. Actually probably impossible. It felt like a good idea no more than five minutes ago. Anyway, what’s the story of how we met?
L: It was the first day of first grade. We were out on the playground and you were up on the top of the slide, and you said, “Do you want to see me jump off this?” And I was like, “Uh, yes.” And you were like, “Well, I’m not gonna do it.” And then you ran away. And then I was so excited that I made a new friend.
K: And we’ve been friends ever since. Transitions are hard, so I’m not even going to try. How many days has it been since our last nonsense?
L: That’s a good question. I’ve been trying to remember our last nonsense, but I can’t think of any recent nonsense we’ve conducted.
K: What a boring friendship. We can’t even remember our last nonsense. The only nonsense I can remember is when we went into your sister’s room… Would you like to tell that story?
L: The pony story? Well, she was playing with her ponies, in her room, by herself, and we were in her closet, spying on her.
K and L(in unison): Of course.
L: And when she left, we put a bunch of dinosaurs and spiders and monsters on the ponies and made it look like they were eating them. It was pretty cool.
K: So it’s been like, nine-and-a-half years since our last nonsense?
L: Yeah, not too bad. Not too shabby.
K: We follow our No Nonsense policy a little too well. So, what’s your fondest memory of when we were going to school together?
L: Out of all the years?
K: Yeah, out of all eight of ’em.
L: Well, I’m trying to remember things that happened. I remember you threw up one time in first grade. And you cried. And then you were running out of the room to find Mrs. ____. That wasn’t a fond memory though. I’m just brainstorming here… That was really sad.
K: Yeah, it kind of was. But my homework–it was the letter writing worksheet for the letter Q–fell into my puke so Mrs. ____ didn’t make me do it. It was the best day ever. I wish school worked like that now. If you can’t think of any of our fond memories we’ve made, you could just describe the outfits you wore in third and fourth grade. Those are my fondest memories.
L: Okay, I can do that. In fourth grade mostly, I was really into gauchos, and I was really into Crocs. And some days, I wore gauchos with Crocs. And knee socks. But don’t tell anyone. Knee socks, Kyra.
K: Were you into turtlenecks, or was that just me?
L: No, that was just you. I was never really into turtlenecks. That was one of the strong points I had. I was really in to those leather clunk shoes–you know the ones with the buckles?
K: Yes, I had those awesome ones with the little charms on the ends.
L: Ugh, yeah. I was so jealous of yours.
K: I know. They were probably the best leather shoes I’ve ever owned. Private school probs.
L: Oh, I do remember something! Remember those poles underneath the slide? We used to spin around them. We called it “flying,” but it was basically pole dancing.
K: Yeah, I remember. You were really good. I guess you could go into that as a career if you need a back-up.
L: Probably, but anyway I was “flying” around the pole and wearing those leather shoes and the creek was right behind us and both my shoes flew off into the creek. And so my mom had to bring me new shoes. She brought my tan felt shoes. Those were my first favorite shoes. I had them every single year. You could get them in three colors, too: They came in tan, burgundy and navy blue.
L: But I was so mad. My mom would only let me get the tan ones. I wanted the burgundy ones so bad. I mean, burgundy’s like the best thing ever. Especially on those felt duck shoes. I don’t even know what to call them.
K: Yes, felt duck shoes are the best kind. Okay, so one more question. Why do you think we’ve been friends for so long? What is our secret? Seriously, I really want to know. Why are we still friends?
L: Hey! That’s kinda rude!
K: Hey, I’m not trying to be rude, I’m just curious. What’s our secret?
L: Um, well, first of all, we’ve known each other for like, 12 years, and we were in the same small class for eight of those years. Our familys are good friends. We vacation all the time together. And we like each other, I think?
K: Haha, yes we do. I think also we like the same television shows.
L: Yes, yes! That seriously has a lot to do with it! It’s been a huge part of our friendship. Psych, Monk, Wonder Years, Raising Hope, The Office, all the others.
K: Star Wars, although you were a lot more into it.
L: Hey, hey now. That was a long time ago.
K: True. But anyway, we’re going to be friends forever, right?
L: Yeah, but after we graduate we won’t really see each other. This is going to be our last year, Kyra.
K: Wow, thanks for reminding me. Bye, bye, childhood. It’s been a good run.
L: There it goes, down the drain.
K: What a bummer thing to end the interview on: “And then, our childhood ended.”
L: And we went our separate ways.
K: And we never saw each other again. End recording.