It was the third day of sixth grade. My teacher stood at the front of the room and announced our assignment: a fifteen minute free write. She explained that this would be a daily assignment, and that at the end of the allotted writing time, whoever wanted to share their work could come to the front of the classroom and read their creations aloud in front of their peers.
I felt an excited shiver race down my spine. Since the year before, I had kept a daily journal about recess drama and after school shenanigans, but I’d never shared these private writings with anybody. The idea of standing in front of the scrutinizing audience of tweens that were my peers and presenting the fruit of fifteen minutes of hard work was terrifying and electrifying at the same time. I took out a blank sheet of college-ruled notebook paper, sharpened my number 2 pencil and frantically looked around the room for ideas. Then I saw him. Bob the Tomato.
Until ninth grade, I attended Veritas Christian School. Most of my classmates spent their early years in church watching episodes of VeggieTales, a religious cartoon in which animated vegetables act out Bible stories. Bob the Tomato and his friend Larry the Cucumber host the show, and various types of fresh produce costar. BigIdea Entertainment created VeggieTales and other children’s television programs to teach kids about God. Love, kindness and compassion are themes of the shows, but when I looked up and saw a Bob the Tomato stuffed animal, I didn’t see the the love of God in his big, plastic eyes –I saw the evil glint of a serial killer.
My realization of Bob’s true, villainous identity sent my pencil scribbling wildly. Below is an excerpt from one of my nine episodes of “The Revenge of the Tomato,” my first and only attempt at a fanfic. I have typed out my selection because I don’t want to force people to read my handwriting. SPELLING AND PUNCTUATION HAVE NOT BEEN ALTERED.
More Revenge of the… Tomato!!
Once a children’s tv host, Bob the tomato has resorted to a life of crime.
He has gone from a 6 digit salary to a life of gambling, winner takes all, losers however take nothing.
He is almost untracable, hiding in the various forms of his popular plush toys. Big Idea still sells these toys as to not scare children about this evil tomato.
After the murder of 20 french peas, the asparguas with no name and MA grape, Big Idea sent Bob to a maximum security prison in Moose Lake, South Dakota.
After an amazing escape, which information is not availible to the public, people, vegitation and money have been going missing.
Madame Blueberry says “if Bob is not captured, I will resign!”
However poor Madame Blueberry never had the chance, there was a tickbomb in her gown she was to wear in a movie which name has not been given out for safty of BigIdea, and she exploded…
When I presented this story to the class, I gained my peers’ admiration. Compliments from my colleagues fueled my fire to write more stories, the gruesomer the better. My sweet, Christian teacher could only listen to me pollute my classmates’ minds with brutal butcher knife slayings for so long, and she requested that I “wrap it up.” Below is an excerpt from my final episode:
The Revenge of the Tomato Episode 8: The end of Bob
Because this story has disturbed the minds of 6th grade students, I have been asked by their teacher to end this true tale because I guess some people just can’t handle it. So I will not be able to tell you the gruesome details about what he did to an eggplant, his fight with Preston the Jewish pumpkin or when he froze Junior Asparagus and dropped him from the highest Bumbleburg building. Instead, I will continue writing, but first give a good ending for this classroom. That shall be Bob’s death. Now you probably won’t understand why he is in the sea of the pirates who don’t do anything and because I can’t write anymore, I guess you won’t know. You will also not under stand why his butcher knife is dripping with gourd juice and his ninja suit is slightly torn and he is on a raft with a ‘Join the darkside we have cookies’ bumpersticker. And I can’t tell you.
I waited a couple months after I ended Bob’s life for my teacher to calm down, and then I wrote this poem:
The tomato named bob, poetry addition
Bob was a tomato as red as a cherry,
who killed many vegtables and Madame Blueberry,
he slaughtered the penguins 1-3, which
surprised grandma and twins after tea,
he murdered larry the cucumber by severing his head,
and all of Bob’s victums were pronounced dead.
Pa Grape he grabbed and dragged away,
the wrath of the tomato this grape did pay,
he killed more than to number,
and made it hard for greens to slumber,
and finally this rampage came to an end,
because of a Jonah Whale, a friend,
Bob is dead, but his ghost still looms, around his victums lonely tombs.